Animal Lovers
(or “Everybody Needs a Hobby”)
There is more than one way for a cat to be skinned
Indeed, twenty-six methods in all
With a further sixteen
For the overly keen
Though their details I strain to recall
There are seven techniques for beheading a horse
But the principle doesn’t much vary
It depends on the weight
And the type of its gait
And if short or remarkably hairy
When shivving a panda, one’s spoilt for choice
The variety beggars belief
Though I’ll keep this succinct:
They are almost extinct
So your time to enjoy them is brief
To dropkick koalas or beavers or stoats
Is a blissfully simple affair
If especially deft
Take a punt with the left
Or the right for more time in the air
On the number of ways to asphyxiate ducks
I count seventeen at time of writing
When garotting a swan
The whole challenge is gone
Since their necks are so long and inviting
To electrocute leopards or waterboard snakes
Is so painfully dull it’s untrue
For they modestly rate
In my quest to locate
The most versatile beast in the zoo
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